Comments from Reviewer #1:
This is a solid proposal – interesting topic and good bibliography. It appears to be a documentary of the Occupy Wall Street movement and will include a comparison/contrast with other social movements. The inclusion of digital technology will be highlighted as one of the key differences between OWS and earlier protest movements.
I would caution Beth about using terms that are not common to most readers, such as “rhizomatic method.” Interesting term, but what does it mean?
Comments from Reviewer #2:
The annotated bibliography provides a sufficiently detailed, preliminary academic source-background for a reasonable study on the OWS. So much in Notturno’s favor. Apart from the opening paragraph, the preceding proposal, while sympathetic, is written with unclear bias and unreferenced assertions. A sampling of undefined terms and a generally self-contradictory mode of expression:
· “The previous paradigm of social activism” – which?
· “the methodology of the systems it opposes” – which methodology? Which systems?
· “the hierarchies and bureaucracies of its oppressor institutions” – Who, specifically?
· “Occupiers do not demand new laws, company policies, or changes to existing institutions.” – contradicting statement, see next:
· “Their progress has yet to manifest in a way regarded as successful in terms of the previous paradigm because they protest a set of hierarchical institutions that are incompatible with the transformative changes OWS seeks.” – they seek transformative changes?
· “They are trying to make change happen from outside the system, not within it.” – which system? What’s ‘change within the system’?
· “utilizing a non-hierarchical, rhizomatic method” – I believe, that should be ‘rhizomic’ -?
· “This approach will combine methodologies from social history, political science, philosophy, and digital communication.” – what methodologies?
· “I seek to explain how those weaknesses are actually defiance of the older system which will eventually become strong characteristics when refined” – how can you explain that which hasn’t happened?
· “This brings to light a paradigm shift… by the introduction of digital technologies such as internet, email, and social media.” – the writer has not at all justified what new media has to do with street protests.
· “The previous paradigm of social activism required a different set of organizing principles and therefore saw different results. Those movements depended on leaders, a hierarchical person-to-person model of communication, and clear definitional borders.” – what principles? Which results? Which leaders? Which definitional borders? Are we supposed to guess? Tacitly agree? Might some argue that the results are still wanting? The leaders were bad?
· “but also to unite in a community whose members are diverse and willing to change existing systems, or create new ones that are more reflective of modern needs and capabilities.” – there’s minimum 10 concepts/dimensions in need of careful discussion before proceeding – whatever the sentence means.
Notturno refers to the movement’s philosophy: “the Occupiers were practically inventing their philosophy during the occupations.” Assuming this approach to philosophy is reflected at the movement’s headquarters, http://occupywallst.org/, whence the movement defines itself:
“Occupy Wall Street is a leaderless resistance movement with people of many colors, genders and political persuasions. The one thing we all have in common is that We Are The 99% that will no longer tolerate the greed and corruption of the 1%. We are using the revolutionary Arab Spring tactic to achieve our ends and encourage the use of nonviolence to maximize the safety of all participants.”
Notturno would do well in adopting a more critical stance considering the abject violence of the Arab Spring and a measured, objectifying study carefully delineating and defining relevant terms and contexts such as capitalist economy, social activism, socio-psychology, philosophy, human nature, historical methodologies, and postmodern English departments.
Apart from all that: refreshing, go ahead!
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